mixtures of tiramisu

DESPITE A LOT OF DETOURS,OBSTACLES AND HURDLES AND RUN AROUNDS
YOU GET TIRED MOST OF THE TIME,QUIT,DON'T FIGHT BACK,NOT EVEN RESIST,YOU FOLLOW THE FLOW
IT OFFERS...
LIKE YOU DON'T HAVE CHOICE BUT TO TAKE IT AND LIVE WITH IT OR ELSE..YOU JUMP OFF THE BUILDING, TAKE A POISON AND HANG YOURSELF UP;A LOT OF WAYS...

WHY I COULDN'T WRITE A POEM ANYMORE?


FOR THE PAST DAYS AND MONTHS, I HAVE NOT WRITTEN ANYTHING,ALL UNFINISHED.MY LIFE IS GETTING SOMEWHERE FROM NOWHERE,AND I AM EVERYWHERE AND ANYWHERE..MY LIFE IS A POEM,UNFINISHED.


I AM.A POEM.




LIVING IN A BOX FOR MORE THAN FOUR YEARS


IN THE FOUR CORNERS OF HORIZON,I SEE NOTHINGNESS.






LIFE IS NOT A MERCENARY


EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE PERFECT BUT STILL THERE IS A LITTLE BIT OF HAZE SOMEWHERE THAT I CANNOT PIN POINT WHERE EXACTLY.


I AM HEALTHY,I HAVE A JOB,I HAVE A LOVING FAMILY,SUPPORTIVE FRIENDS AND I AM ALIVE TO TOP IT ALL,I AM ALIVE,I HAVE DREAMS,AND I BELIEVE GOD.

MONEY MOVES ME,MAKES ME, SATISFIES ME, ASSURES ME,LEADS ME,SHAPES ME,PLEASES ME,EXCITES ME,LIFTS ME UP,.....YET MONEY TEARS ME,KILLS ME,PUTS ME DOWN,DROWNS ME,BURNS ME...

I WAS BROUGHT TO LIFE
AND EVERYDAY I'M LOSING MY LIFE
HAVING NO CLUES WHERE I HAVE BEEN, WHAT I HAVE DONE,AND WHAT I AM NOW,
AND THE FUTURE, NAUSEA.

SIMPLE,LIFE..HUMANS,COMPLICATED.




I REALLY HAVE NOTHING TO WRITE BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO.
THIS MORNING MAKES ME SICK


MONSTERIZED

LOOK AT YOURSELF
YOU LOOK LIKE A MONSTER


TOMORROW
IF I WOULD HAVE THE CHANCE TO WAKE UP AND LIVE AGAIN
I'VE GOT NO OTHER PLANS BUT

TO EAT,DRINK AND ENJOY..




EVERYTHING IS A CHOICE
YOU CHOOSE
TO BE HAPPY AND TO BE NOT
TO BE RICH AND TO BE NOT
TO BE GOOD AND TO BE NOT



BUT WHAT IF WE
WE MONSTERIZED
GOOD HEART
WE CHOOSE TO TAKE IT OUT
AND PUT SOME THRASH IN
IT'S A TASK 




TOMORROW
IF I WOULD HAVE THE CHANCE TO WAKE UP AND LIVE AGAIN
I'VE GOT NO OTHER PLANS BUT

TO EAT,DRINK AND ENJOY..


FEELING DIZZY AND CRAZY.


THERE ARE NO OTHER THINGS
I COULD WRITE OVER,OTHER THAN WHAT I FEEL AND WHAT I THINK..
USUALLY,I'D START MY WRITINGS WITH i,AND 






I AM TOTALLY OVER HIM
AND I FOUND MYSELF IN DENIAL
CONTROLLING EVERY BIT AND PIECE OF MY SANITY NOT TO THINK OF HIM,DESIRE HIM AND WORST, LOVE HIM... 

WHEN LOVE BECOMES WORST?
IT IS LOVE FOR HIM.
LOVE THAT IS SO PURE,
BUT 
IN VAIN,
A VOID,
UNKNOWN,
A NO NAME,
A WORD NOT YET WRITTEN NOR SPOKEN,
A LOST TIME THAT WHEN YOU PLAY IT BACK,IT'LL SHOW WHITE AND BLANK SLATE, 
A BLACK SKY WHERE STARS EVEN THE SUN ARE INVISIBLE,

A LOVE,THAT IS 


WHICH I KNOW WILL NEVER BE DEFINED AS IT IS
UNDEFINED BECAUSE IT IS NOT SHARED, NOT MOVING,NOT FLOWING ..DULL AND STAGNANT



BECAUSE LOVE IS USELESS WHEN IT IS ONLY A ONE WAY STREET
THERE SHOULD BE TWO PEOPLE WORKING TOGETHER,BUILDING THE ROAD AND TRAVELLING THE PATH..


...TO BE CONTINUED...



little poem after midnight

there are a lot of things going on,
the world changes in every closing and opening of our eyes
you see life turning into death... death coming back to life
in its various forms,seems to be incommunicable
life gives us a lot of things,most of the time we can barely take.....


dreams,are like the stars,you get to see them,feels like within your  reach..but the truth they are bigger than your universe,that only a few could actually hold


COLD AND NAKED


MANY NIGHTS AND DAYS, I'VE BEEN DREAMING ABOUT YOU
ITS LUST LOVE,I GUESS, I'M NOT SURE,I DON'T EVEN CARE ANYMORE
I KNOW IT'S NOT RIGHT,AS SOON AFTER,I ALWAYS ASK FOR GOD'S FORGIVENESS.I KNOW HE WOULD NOT UNDERSTAND ME,AND SOMETIMeS
DON'T EVEN CARE ANYMORE,HOW GOD DEEMS ME,IT DOES MATTER TO ME,BUT I JUST CANNOT HELP MYSELF


4 DAYS AFTER FEELING COLD AND NAKED


AFTER HEARING AND FEELING YOUR HAPPINESS,THE JOY IN YOUR FACE.UNDENIABLY,YOU FOUND YOURSELF COMPLETE WITH SOMEONE ELSE,AND I FOUND MYSELF COMPLETE WITH THE CONCLUSION,THAT YOU ARE JUST A DREAM.




EVERYDAY


WALKING DOWN THE STREETS LIKE I'M IN A DREAM.I'M SEEING THINGS AND HEARING SOUNDS YET THEY DON'T MAKE SENSE.
LIKE AS IF I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO IS MAKING SENSE
AND TRYING TO MAKE SENSE WHILE THE WORLD DOESN'T CARE AND DOESN'T EVEN TRY.
I SAW THE MOON UP ABOVE AND SHE IS STARING AT ME.
I COULD FEEL HER LONELINESS,HER LUMINANCE WAS NOT THAT BRIGHT...


THE NIGHT IS SO YOUNG
AND HE IS STARING AT ME.
HE MIGHT BE WONDERING WHY AM I STILL AWAKE,SILENTLY CARESSING MY FACE
FOLLOWING THROUGH EVERY FIBER IT,THAT GIVES ME SHIVER WHICH I CANNOT EXPLAIN.

HE IS NOT SAYING ANY WORD,
SILENTLY SITTING BESIDE ME,I COULD FEEL THE LONELINESS INSIDE HIM,HE MIGHT HAVE ALL THE DARKNESS,BUT I LIKE HIM MORE THAN THE SUNNY DAYLIGHT.