a rocker down at the bottom

        i remember those days when i had nothing to eat and usually i had to experiment anything from soy sauce,vinegar,tomatoes or things that i could find in our fridge (a gigantic empty machine),those times when i had to fetch water from my lola's house,those seconds that i got no balloons on my birthday,those minutes when i was roaming around in the streets of tondo to find a pc rental shop in the middle of the night to get my school works done or sleep at my classmates house who generously  let me used her pc,those hours before my college graduation that i was calling my mom to help me pay my school expenses or else i wouldn't get my diploma,those moments when i was just waiting for my aunt's packages for new shoes,those images of me getting some odd jobs to get things going,the very day that my father died and his coffin cost tons of thousands and nothing i could do to help..

        i feel old and used but wise...life has been throwing a lot of stones and rocks to me since i have realized my dreams...i got bruised and managed to lick my own wounds,and a lot of times i quit and fell almost dead,and decided not to rise but to lay momentarily and to lay my eyes to the sky and let the sun touch my face and the wind breeze through my inside,to sway away all my blues and so when i feel like ready to stand up,i'll feel light,let my pains,hurts,regrets fly away in all directions...and i,will be in one direction of peace and simple joy.

feeling red

there are times when you feel like your life is not making any sense

when out of the blue you'll cry and then laugh seconds later

when all you can do is lay on your bed and stare up at your ceiling

when you  check your phone to browse the old messages or check some old pictures on it

when you check yourself on the mirror, either admire the beauty or abhor the flaw that you see

when you can't sleep no matter how many attempts you make to forget the world

when you stroll in the mall and you have tons of money to buy things but all you can do is take glimpses around because you just can't spend or else

when you wake up and realize that nothing change

when you think that you are  a failure and feeling hopeless to turn things around

when you wish you are somebody else

when you choose to be alone and eat alone and go to the washroom or to the locker room when no one is around

when you feel like you are dying

or when you feel like anytime you are ready to die, anyway you can't comprehend what exactly is going on with your life and you get tired of unveiling its secrets

when you do things just for the sake of doing and accomplishing, not out of passion as if your are left with no choice

when you drown yourself in the sea of beer or vodka and make yourself believe that you are just having fun

when you feel like you are running out of time

when every song you listen to feels out of tune ,and even the sound that pleases you, bores you for no apparent reason

when you think of vanishing out of nowhere

when you wish to start your life all over

when you wish to go somewhere else and have new beginnings or end things

when you think you are going crazy and think its normal

when you start looking for another job or start thinking of a business, but everything is on your mind, nothing translates into action...

when you can't finish a book and you start read  another one then go to the other and the other,

when your birthday or the usual celebration of it does excite you no more

when you no longer care to pray

when all you do  is ask and never seem to get any answer

when you are doing nothing but getting tired out of it

when you you’ve got no one to talk with  or you just avoid talking with anyone

and then you decide to get your pen and write your thoughts out because you just want to remove all non sense things out of your soul….

or if you are not much of a poet or a writer you’ll find ways to do things to save yourself from insanity, and make yourself believe that things are normal and ok

on my way to galeria

violet and pink fingernails

a little moneyless

but the sky is kind

and keeps me alive

with a twist of chico and del

i found myself in love with life

thoughts of him

a ghost

a shadow

got a problematic looking woman on my right

maybe i got tons of junks than her

yet my faith is firing up

despite the rain and darkness around

sweet couple in front of me

thoughts of him again

bitter

sweet

ate two brownies

felt sweeter,better