Doing nothing,feels good

i love this time of the day,when all i can hear is the  ticking of the clock,the running of the fan,my own conflicting mind and lastly,my silencing heart...

i just ate few toasted sugary bread with peanuts and thinking that i'll have to drink two glasses of water next and take a bite of two-inch bar of chocolate.with all these simplicities that i am about to do and i've done ,i cannot deny the complications that i need to face after this,this morning does not differ with any other morning that passed on me,i am tired,sleepy yet i am surviving.

i am stuck,doing things i don't want to do and not doing what i want to,what i love to.

i am afraid,that everything that i do will eventually be lost somewhere someday

i am clueless,in which direction should i go to .....

Doing nothing,feels good

i feel like, am back being an infant,like i have all the right and time to just lay down on my bed,watch as how the ceiling looks down on me and if only it can only talk,it'll say,"i miss you my master, you  close your eyes as soon as you lay your back on your bed for some hours or so,you'll be dead sleep,and next thing is you'll be gone like a dead woman walking,because you are walking and you are like dead woman,no life,though suicide is least thing you'll ever do,but i know you're welcoming the thought,aren't you?but i need not to hear your answer,just sit back relax and do what you barely do,to fully rest your body,mind,heart and soul..and that is by simply doing nothing and thinking nothing as you scratch all your mind's content making a blank slate.later i know it will all be a clutter.cherish this moment.because i know you people,the most complicated living organisms,you all do a lot of things and most of them are i don't know what for,but i know i don't have to be a judge of human actions,because i am not a human anyway..  '..and so this dilapidated ceiling and so among other stuff in my littlest room are the witnesses of my everyday...they know how my tiredom and lacking of sleep,actually make me going and do not stop me from waking up everyday as i choose to live and do things,most of the time beyond what i am expected to do.

i'd like to check statistics on the www. to find out if how many of us who are  in  this quest of work holism or doing things of some sorts.but i guess,i don't need to check the numbers,the fact that every night and day on my jeepney trips,i always see that i'm just everyone else,everyone is sleeping,half awake or half conscious and heading to places where they are bound to do something outside their homes or heading back to their homes as they have already finished doing things.i don't want to use words such as trapped or stuck because doing things when you'll described them using the former words is something that i have to ponder more,because it's more complicated and it applies only to majority or some but not to everyone.i'd like only to write about doing nothing,like a  breakaway from things you actually do whether its a work that you like or not,or something that does not give you paycheck or extra cash,or call it job,commitment,responsibility,or what not,things that in order for you to accomplish you have to move around,think around,that require emotion and most of all you have to do because if you don't, expectations from yourself or from others will not be met,and there are consequences that we are avoiding,if that happens.

maximum laziness,everyone deserves it.

(for those who choose to have it  for a lifetime or for a long period of time if not for most of the time,i know there must be reasons why you are in that route.i'm not in that route,so i must then not talk about it.)

like you exempt yourself from doing productive or non productive things because both will only tire you down,no matter what the result is,and i must say both things will give us either happiness or sadness,and that's you choose not to do either,because you just want to free yourself from any of those.

like you make yourself a king and queen sitting on a throne or lying somewhere and you let others do things for you,because all you need to do is to eat,drink and enjoy the nothingness of the moment

like once in a while you

like you'll have courage or simply turn down invitations,favors and the likes without making white lies,and telling, to those who ask you,point blank the word 'no' and the true reasons why you are turning them down.

or if you'll not say the truth,you are entitled to lie,especially,when all your intention is to hurt no one.but make sure you'll not be caught in the act of doodling time or might as well say the truth.or you simply just don't care anymore if people could sense that you are not in the mood and lying,all you care is simply a piece of yourself,a peace of mind without pleasing anyone or anybody.

laziness or doing nothing comes in all packages.like how would you make time as lazy as it could possibly be,either you totally do nothing or lazily do lazy things,like sleeping,eating,watching,listening to what,most of the time you do it alone,do it in your house,or in someone's house or outdoor or do it with others who like you choose to make meaningful experience in something that are known to be meaningless.

lastly,like you feel you don't exist,and the world without you will be the same,always turning and twisting,where it only paves its way to do those who are moving and doing things.you just need little time to get your feet back on the ground,not like a dead man/woman walking,by all means be-all-present and participate actively in what we simply call life.

yet,i'm totally aware that this does not apply to everyone,though everyone deserves it,i understand those people who keep on doing things and do not welcome the thought of laziness but let's say they put in the context of the word 'rest'.